


Back on Track

by navaan



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Torchwood
Genre: Angst, Children of Earth Compliant, Conversations, F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, M/M, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-29
Updated: 2010-12-29
Packaged: 2017-10-14 05:01:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/145649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/navaan/pseuds/navaan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post CoE Jack is drifting without purpose - until he meets a wise stranger in a bar. Eleventh Doctor, Jack Harkness with a little Eleven/Jack, Amy and Rory (mentioned)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Back on Track

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the dwsanta exchange on lj as a gift to trobadora

Jack had a strange feeling of deja-vu when a young man sat down right beside him at an nearly empty bar. The clothes were like an impossible anachronism in the crude light of this luxury bar of an expensive Paratolian hotel.

The man looked briefly at a young couple that had found an inconspicuous place to sit down at a table to their right.

He had watched the three of them enter together, noting the cute red head first. Jack hadn’t seen many humans around lately, and that had probably made him look a little longer than strictly necessary. They had seemed like they were _together_ , the three of them - and Jack wasn’t in the mood to get in between established relationships these days. Not even for sexy red heads. Not without an open invitation.

It was too much of a bother - and the only thing he really wanted lately was distraction.

Distraction.

He peered at the young man, considering his options.

This one wasn’t bad looking either. A bit young maybe. Older than the red headed girl, Jack guessed. He risked another casual glance at the happy couple in the corner. They were smiling at each other, talking, looking around gesturing at the other guests and the bar's exquisite interior.

So maybe these three weren’t as together as Jack had first thought. The one beside him didn’t seem to be missed.

It was great being that young and discovering new things, he thought, when the girl’s laughter drifted over. He remembered what that had felt like, being young, adventurous. He felt incredibly old and tired when he looked at them.

Suppressing a sigh, he turned back to look at his drink. It was time to stop being sorry for himself and really move on. Get his life back into his own hands. Stop drifting around the universe without purpose. He just didn’t know how to do that anymore.

Looking around the bar, looking at the alien costumers of all forms and sizes, he noticed the the four of them seemed to be the only human-like lifeforms here at the moment. Not surprising. Earth’s population hadn’t spread through the universe, yet, and other planets with similar inhabitants were all far away. Maybe that was why the man had chosen to sit right beside him. Now that he thought about it, the guy _did_ seem a little fidgety and out of place here.

This was probably a good moment to make a move.

He thought about what to say. He thought about it a lot longer than he would have had to before his life had come crashing down all around him. It seemed he was losing his touch. Alarmingly so.

When he looked over at the stranger again the man was looking at him with a half smile.

The barkeeper, a Krakenoid said something with a few clicks and set a sickly green drink in front of him. The young man smiled again. “Yeah, just put all that on the card.” He nodded in the direction of the “happy couple”.

So they were together. Just not _together_?

Jack finally took a closer look. Something was off here. Old-fashioned earth clothing, a bow tie?Understanding the clicking language of a Krakenoid of a planet without translator unit? British accent? If he didn’t know any better...

“Hello,” the stranger said softly, interrupting his thoughts.

“Hello,” Jack echoed out of reflex. He was probably frowning a little, still feeling that he was missing something important, still feeling that he should be reacting differently...

“Hi,” the stranger said again, giving him a lopsided grin. “All alone?”

The question was probably the overture to flirting. The prospect was nice, but the words made Jack suddenly think about the complications of getting too closely involved. He shrugged. “At the moment.”

“Ah,” the younger man acknowledged, with a knowing smile. Jack tried to get a better look at his eyes, but he turned away to take a sip of his own drink. “Waiting for someone?”

“No. Are you?”

He looked at his two friends again. “Let’s say my company will not miss me for a while.” Jack followed his gaze. “Honeymoon,” the man supplied. “I’m just the...” he seemed to decide what best to call himself, “ _tour guide_.”

“Just married, then?” Jack asked, smiling at the young lovers. “That’s a shame.”

“Is it?” The man furrowed his brow. “That depends how you look at it, I suppose.” He threw a quick look at Jack, gauging, searching. He wasn’t looking for a husband here? Jack couldn’t be sure. Before he could get a good look at the man’s eyes, the man had turned away again.

Skittish. Maybe shy?

It didn’t add up. He had been the one that approached him after all. Or had he just been interested in therapy?

“They have earned their happiness,” the stranger explained, making another gesture towards his friends. “That’s why I’m treating them to a special honeymoon tour.”

Marriage. Jack was thinking of Gwen and the little baby that was probably born by now. He hoped she was happy with Rhys and her own little family. He hoped she was all right. There was no day going by that he did not think of her. He still loved her, he still missed her, but he couldn’t go back there. _He_ hadn't exactly earned that happiness. “Love, building a family. Sounds very sweet,” he said. It sounded hollow - even to his own ears. The stranger would probably not pick up on it.

 _Love, family._

What was he supposed to say? He blamed himself for Ianto’s death. He’d destroyed the life of his daughter. He’d killed his grandson. He had nothing to say about love and family. He had no right to talk about these things.

He could still feel the high pitched tone coming from Steven’s mouth. Alice crying, screaming at him.

It gave him nightmares.

He should just get out of here. This wasn’t going to be a casual flirt. Not now that the memories had come up. Clearing his throat, he was already coming up with the right words to excuse himself.

“You know, Jack. I’m a bit disappointed. You’re not even trying. You could at least have offered me a drink. But you didn’t even notice me, until I had ordered something myself. Not even saying _hello_ without prompting... I’m not your type?”

Jack knew he had frozen right on the spot, his mind stringing together the information, thinking about old colleagues and adversaries and... Saying hello, buying drinks... He looked up. Right into a young face with very old, old eyes that were intently watching him.

“On the same page now?” the Doctor asked and took another sip of the green liquid.

“You regenerated? Again?”

“That bad?”

He did a double take to get his head around this person being the Doctor. His mouth opened to answer - but his head hadn’t come up with anything to say, yet.

“I thought it wasn’t that bad, actually,” the Doctor went on. “ A bit confused at the hair at first. Is it the hair? You didn’t have a problem spotting my last regeneration...”

That finally got his thought process to settle on something to say: “You’re last regeneration stepped out of a blue box. Dead give-away there. And... and he was...”

“Better looking? Your type?” the Doctor sounded terribly amused and not in the least bit affronted.

“He was an adult! You look like a college boy dressed in his father’s old clothes! Is that really a bow tie?”

The Doctor fingered the bow tie. “What’s wrong with it? I like it.”

That wrung the first incredulous chuckle from Jack. “Okay, yeah. It’s fine. It’s just... you’ve changed.”

“I have. Is that a problem?” Jack shrugged, but the Doctor wasn’t finished. “What are _you_ doing here? Gloomy and non-flirty Jack Harkness?” The voice didn’t exactly sound cheerful, but Jack wasn’t sure he could read this Doctor yet. His mind had caught up with the fact that his friend was sitting in front of him, but this body was so young he had trouble really believing it.

“So are you a flirty Doctor, then? I mean really flirty? Because that just may be exactly what I have been waiting for.” And maybe it was. He just had a feeling that this was real bad timing if this Doctor was suddenly interested...

“Ah, ah. Didn’t answer my question, Jack. Why are you out here? What are you doing? Where have you been? What happened to the nice man I introduced you to? Brave, young midshipman Alonso.”

Jack smiled sadly. “You call that introducing? He is a very nice guy. Ultimately he deserved better than to be a consolation prize.”

The Doctor’s expression turned into a deep frown. “I know what happened. Found out before I came to that bar...” The frown didn’t fit the young face. But the eyes. There was so much understanding in those eyes. Shared pain. But there was also something else. Something more like steely metal. “You are immortal, Jack. You can’t hide from yourself. Not forever.”

His laugh sounded bitter. “Don’t you think I know that?”

The Doctor looked at him, unreadable and distant. “You seem to have forgotten.”

“What were _you_ thinking? Did you think setting me up with a nice and reliable guy was enough of an apology?”

The Doctor cocked his head to one side. Jack wanted him to ask what he had to apologize for so he could throw something at him. Something hurtful and mean. But the Doctor straightened his back and took the accusing comment in stride. It made Jack want to grab and shake him. Or kiss him. He hadn't _felt_ like this for month. It was a shock to realize that he had only been going through the motions. “It seemed a good way to make you remember what was important,” the Doctor explained matter of factly. He turned on his stool so sat facing Jack. “You should never forget what's important. Not if you can learn from my mistakes. Someone should learn from my mistakes. I never seem to get the hang of it. I try not repeat the stupid stuff I do ever again and then I go and just do it all over again... So I thought I should at least help other people with my experience. And you know, people tend not to _listen_ to me. So with the limited time I had... I just thought it would work out if I let you figure it out for yourself. Was worth a try.”

At least the rambling hadn't changed, Jack thought, calming down a bit. “Limited time?”

“Yeah... Yeah. I was already dying then. Long story. Let's not go there. Old life. A lot has changed since then.”

Jack looked over the Doctor's shoulder and the Doctor turned with him to look at his young companions. “Obviously. Since when do you travel with married couples? Is this a consolation honeymoon because you ruined their wedding party with alien hunting?”

“Alien hunting,” the Doctor scoffed. “Last time I looked _that_ was your job.”

That successfully knocked the wind out of his sails. He must have gone pale, because the Doctor peered at him sideways in a way that could be considered apologetic. “Defender of the Earth, Jack. What has become of it?”

“That planet is better off without me.” That sounded bitter again. Bitter and true. He had walked that planet and wherever he went – it hadn't gotten any better. The world had felt so narrow and suffocating. Only going back to life among the stars had seemed to be an option. But what had he done since then?

“You've done what you had to do.” The Doctor wasn't shrugging it off. His voice as serious. “That's what we are here for. We make the decisions that nobody else will. It's hard, it's painful, but you can't let everybody die either.”

Jack sighed heavily. “You don't know what happened.”

“I know a bit. Read some of the UNIT files right before I came to you in that bar.” There was something the Doctor wasn't telling him. Jack had a feeling it was important, but to close to the Doctor's own agenda. “You lost another member of Torchwood. You killed a child to save more children.”

“I lost my _lover_ because I let him walk into a situation I only survived because I fucking _can't_ die. I survive.” He laughed, a dry and angry sound in the tranquillity of the bar. “Then I killed my own _grandson_ right in front of my own daughter.” Now it was only a matter of minutes for the Doctor to understand what he had done and come to detest him for it. The way he detested himself.

Who was this man that he could just step into Jack's life time and again and make him _care_?

“Hello?” the Doctor said, in a surprisingly mild tone. “I condemned my whole family, my children, my mother, all the friends that were left alive at the time, all the other Gallifreyans in existence to be frozen in time for eternity. Time lock.” He clicked his fingers in front of Jack's nose. “Just like that. And I did it twice now. And I'd do it again if I had to.”

Jack knew he was staring. He had never considered that the Doctor had lost more than a few comrades, that he'd had a family on the planet. It sounded callous - but it just didn't fit into the image he had of the the lonely Time Lord travelling through the universe, running away from his own planet and past and doing good wherever he went. He had never doubted that the Doctor had done the right thing either. Not for a moment.

“Want to know why I did it?” He made a pause, but Jack knew he wasn't supposed to answer. “Because nobody else was there to do it. Sometimes there is a choice. Sometimes you can do something differently. But sometimes there is only one thing left to do. It's hard. It's painful. It's okay to be angry about it for a time. But then you have to go on. So come on: Go on!”

He tried to absorb what he had heard. “I've changed. I can't just go back to the way it was...” Gwen would probably welcome him back – despite everything. But he couldn't...

“No you can't. No one can. When I first met you, you were a conman with a good heart but without purpose. You changed. You had a purpose. Now something bad happened and you changed again. Even if we are afraid of change, we have to accept it, Jack. Our actions define us, they form us. Look at me.” He spread his arms in a dramatic gesture that was so doctor-like that Jack nearly smiled in spite of himself. “I changed. It's neither good nor bad, it's just different. Essence stays the same. Bitterness and anger and a little bit of insanity are all okay, as long as you get over them. Don't let yourself down. Stop drifting. Find your purpose again. Otherwise forever will destroy you, warp you, make you forget yourself. _Never_ forget yourself.” The Doctor straightened his shoulders and turned back towards the bar.

Jack swirled his own drink. How did the Doctor do that? Step in and analyse him like that, make everything seem easy? “We're not really that different, are we?” He looked at this still unfamiliar new face and longed to touch it. Smooth skin, untidy hair, kissable lips. Looking different, but still the Doctor. Essence stays the same, he thought.

“Huh. Of course, we are different! That doesn't keep you from learning from me. Now? Will you buy me that drink?”

Jack chuckled darkly. “No, really now. What did you learn from your mistakes? Enlighten me.” Maybe he could get the Doctor to take him along to travel the universe again. Maybe that would help him get back on track.

The Doctor swung around to face him again, leaning forward until he could feel the man's breath on his face. “I've learned this:” he said as if he was revealing a very important truth. There was a glint in the Doctor's eyes that was deadly serious and amused all at once, when he suddenly leaned over, closing the last gap between them, and pressed their lips together. Jack was too surprised to take advantage. It ended as less than a kiss and more of a sloppy brush of lips. It went straight to his groin, making his stomach flutter.

“Tease,” he growled.

“Just so you'll remember it: Staying alone because you lost someone or blame yourself for something is a _very, veeeery_ bad idea. Take it from me. Don't travel alone for too long.”

“Okay. No travelling alone for long.” His lips were still tingling. This had felt strange and new. Not desperate and sexy exactly. But he'd remember it for sure. He nodded to himself. “What is it you're drinking there by the way?” He gestured to the green stuff in the hope to change the subject and get his wits back together.

The Doctor looked at him strangely. “I have no idea.” He took another sip. “But it tastes dreadful.”

He couldn't hide a chuckle. “This regeneration is a little crazy, isn't it. Travelling with honeymooners, sharing wisdom in bars, wearing bow ties, looking incredibly young and kissing me while not in a certain death situation. What else is new?” He leaned over to make it clear that he was flirting now. “Developed some kinks I should know of?”

The Doctor didn't roll his eyes at him, he didn't huff, he didn't even make a sign of being exasperated with the comment. Instead he gave him a serene smile that made his eyes twinkle with mirth. “Welcome back, Captain. I see you're getting back on your feet. Congratulations.” Then he cocked his head to the side. “But you know I'm still a lot of work.”

“I don't mind that. Never minded that.”

“Hmm. Then maybe I should show you what's new, right?”

He felt his eyebrows rise. “That sound like my kind of thing actually.”

The Doctor gave him a lopsided grin. “Want to come along for a while? There is enough room in the Tardis.”

“Won't your friends mind?”

“No. The Ponds are very special people, Jack.”

“The Ponds?” He chuckled. “Sounds like a name from a fairytale.”

“Yeah. It does. So? Just until you've found a purpose again?”

He thought of Gwen again. He shouldn't have left her behind to deal with the rest of the mess, alone and unprotected, without a working Torchwood to tackle Cardiff's latest alien invasion and keep old enemies in check. The Doctor was watching him, waiting for an answer. He knew what he should do, but he wouldn't tell the Doctor just yet. He'd figure out all that was new here first. “Why not? Just until I decide where to drop off.”


End file.
